Moving Along

I recently signed up to promote this amazing new ebook bundle called "The Ultimate Homemaking Ebook Bundle". In doing so I joined a Facebook group of all the affiliates involved which has expanded my network and knowledge incredibly.  Anyway, it was clear that while some of them had started over here at Blogger, not one of them who had switched to WordPress regretted it, only not doing it sooner.  So I figured I would try for once to be ahead of the game and jump over there before it became difficult to switch.

So I did.

Please come visit me at GeorgeTown, MN on Wordpress, or my new blog Facebook page.  Some exciting stuff is happening.

When the Bully is Your Friend

Boy Blue wants YOU!

Kids.  They're people.

Wait, what?  How often do we think of children as just kids and not people.  I find I sometimes have to remind myself that they're actually bitty humans with feelings and dreams and passions and fears.  If we don't see kids as people, but relegate their status to mere "children", we are less likely to be respectful of those dreams and fears like we would be for a fellow adult.

What am I talking about?  Perhaps you have seen someone dangle a child by their feet and dismiss a their fearful squeals as they are shaking with fear because the adult "isn't going to hurt them".  Or maybe you yourself have terrified a child by pushing them on a swing, higher than they were comfortable with, but they were in the bucket kind so there was no way they could fall out so it was "no big deal".

We're all familiar with the concept of the playground bully, the mean big kid who pushes our kids down and steals their lunch money.  And we deal with that bully.  We pull our kids in close and fight, even moreso because the media has brought bullying to the light in recent years and we have lost too many young kids to suicide because of severe bullying.  But what about the bullies in our own ranks?  What about the father who messes with his kid and doesn't know when to stop?  Or the mother who belittles her child for their questions because she's "too busy" making dinner to deal with such trivial things?  Or the family friend who thinks it's funny to push a kid so high on the swing that they cry?  Isn't that bullying too?

Given the child's cues, the scenarios I mentioned earlier (turning upside down and swinging high) aren't respectful.  Are children allowed to set boundaries for themselves of things they are comfortable with, and as adults are we supposed to respect those?  In both situations the child was in minimal danger.  As an adult with mature cognitive function we can see and reconcile that, but I daresay that a 2yo cannot distinguish that "this isn't fun but this person won't drop me and it'll be over soon".  Often we think we're doing them some good and that by exposing them to these scary things they'll "get over" their fear.  Let me ask you this, do you think my 94 year old grandmother would get over her intense fear of snakes if you shoved her into a bin full of harmless snakes?  I mean, they can't hurt her.  Or is Handsome's former co-worker going to get over his fear of heights by locking him on a rooftop?

Both of those people could overcome their fear if they chose to face it, but they aren't going to by being forced head to head with the thing that scares them most.  Why do we think it'll be different with kids?

Find the Monkey

The reason I bring this up is that I have what my brother calls a "sensie".  Monkey boy (7yo) is very sensitive.  He panicks if he is pushed in a swing higher than he wants to be (and that's not very high).  In fact last week he asked for a push but not a big one.  I pushed him what I thought was a small push, I mean I pushed the 3yo higher for heaven's sake, and Monkey gripped the chains tightly and with fearful eyes said, "I said not so high!"  My reaction was to justify my push telling him I didn't push him that high, but to him it was.  Isn't it his right to decide what he's comfortable with?  And what message are we sending our kids to tell them "no means no... unless an adult tells you otherwise".  We want our kids during their developing sexual years to learn that, right?  "No means no."  Well it means "no" for more than just sex.  It means "no" when a 2yo is afraid of being tossed in the air, it means "no" when a 4yo doesn't like being tickled, it means "no" when an 8yo doesn't want to kiss grandma goodbye.  No *always* means NO.

I try hard to be respectful of my kids.  And there are times when I have to override their comfort, like a 15mo who doesn't like getting their teeth brushed, but when it comes down to their general comfort with touch, their bodies, or what they can emotionally handle I really want to be respectful of them as *people*, not "just" kids.

So what does that look like?  Well, I guess that's why I wanted to start a conversation.  How do you tell another adult to be respectful of your child's wishes when so often kids' voices are silenced?  How do you give your kids' voices power by standing up for them?

I'm not sure I have any answers, but I think it's valuable food for thought.  I have outright asked people to be respectful of their wishes, and I have found an alternative solution my child was comfortable with but I don't think I have many good answers.

Group  Hug!

Have you ever experienced your child or one you care about being disrespected or their wishes devalued?  What did you do, or what do you wish you had done?  Please contribute to this conversation, it's heavy on my heart tonight.

Icky Sicky Chickenpox

Blogging while nursing tonight. I have so many things in the pipeline I want to get out there (including a sale on some great ebooks to tell you about), but I just haven't had the emotional energy or time to sit down and do it.

The "little" boys both came down with the chickenpox on Monday. Dude has them really bad in his diaper area. I put his nighttime diaper on him and he just thrashed and kicked his legs, poor guy. I took his diaper off and slathered him in salve. I have him sleeping diaperless on a waterproof pad and towel, hopefully I don't regret it by morning. He's still restless and not all the way asleep but much closer than he was diapered pre-salve. Poor guy. He has been running a fever and *really* cranky all day. I think he's finally passing out from sheer exhaustion.

Hopefully tomorrow will be easier and I can work on some other things for you.

Snuggles

Snuggling Siblings

Nostalgia.  I have memories of weekend nights sleeping in the living room with my 3 younger siblings.  We'd put on a movie, pull out our blankets and pillows and sleep on the floor and the couch.  I don't think we ever packed 3 of us into one bed though...

The Darkness Begins

It's a little strange to be writing about this now.  I recently promoted this blog to friends and family after having it for quite awhile and not posting much.  I think I had visions of being famous online but not in real life  Like I could have this successful blog where people across the country and around the world would know who I was, but my real life friends and family wouldn't.  It's a little intimidating now to write out my darkness when I know my mom or friend from playgroup might read it.  But I'm going to write it anyway because I think it's important both for catharsis and for shedding some light on darkness, so hopefully someone else can read this and know they aren't alone in their darkness and to give them hope that there just *might* be a way out.  I'm going to break this down further than I initially intended or I fear it'll be too long and too heavy.

So if you ask me where it all began, it's hard to say.  I remember a definitive shift after Squirrely Girl was born.  I felt like I went into a fog transitioning to 2 kids and never really came out.  Then we started some major work on our house, Handsome enlisted in the National Guard, and then was gone for 8 months for his BCT and AIT.  A few weeks after he left I found out I was pregnant with Boy Blue while we were living at my parents' house for 5 weeks during the drywall phase of our remodel.  Eventually we moved back home and then the stresses of the army ensued.  Threats of not graduating, an 8 week holdover in Missouri for one simple doctor's appointment, the army dropped our orders and didn't pay us for a month, and then he barely made it home in time for Blue's birth.  He only made it because I got ahold of an ombudsman who got things moving for us.  Really it was more than 2 years of constant stressors that really got the ball rolling.

You see, I learned shortly after Monkey Boy was born that it's easy to ignore the needs of a spouse or partner because the needs of a baby are so much louder.  I learned early on to make it a point to not ignore Handsome, to connect with him and do things together.  While it's easy to silence the needs of a spouse, it's even easier to silence your own needs.  And for years I have ignored myself.  I have powered through multiple remodels, growing, birthing, and nursing 4 children, another stressful spring, months of separation from my husband, drill weekends, and weekly drill at the local fire department.  There was only a short time where I had any consistent time away, space to do what I wanted because I wanted to and not because someone else needed it.  Then he left for BCT and I was alone again.  And all the while I thought I was just fine, trucking along and being strong.  Until I just wasn't.

I think this is from where my darkness sprung.  The seeds of were planted in solitude, watered by marriage too often neglected, sprinkled with misunderstanding, and more solitude.  I was the glue that held our family together, and all of a sudden I was becoming unglued.

The Changing of Seasons... or Not

So this is Minnesota.  We pride ourselves in our "nice", our lakes, and our seasons.  There are several jokes about the weather, including the traditional "if you don't like the weather, wait 5 minutes" and "we have 2 seasons, winter and road construction".  I believe Jeff Foxworthy even has a set making fun of Minnesota.

This year spring seems to be coming late and I've been patient.  I wasn't hating winter, I didn't feel like we had an extraordinary amount of snow and only a couple real cold snaps (for those of you in more southern climates I define "real cold snap" by the kind of cold that freezes your snot instantly when you walk outside). I'm typically happy as long as the weather remains around 20F.

Last week we were supposed to get some snow, and I was assuring people on Facebook that "it won't last" so we shouldn't be worried about it.  Then we got more snow.  And then more.  And guess what?

van at 2:56pm, we arrived home around 11:40am and it was only slightly raining

When I left for Bible Study Fellowship (hereafter BSF) this morning my yard was almost bare.  There were a few snow chunks left on the side of the driveway from the plow but that was about it.  When I got home from BSF it was kind of rain/icing, which I guess is hail but it wasn't pummeling the earth as one assumes when they think of hail.  An hour later I looked out the window and the ground was covered in snow and it was falling.  Hard.

It got me thinking.  This seems to be the year spring refuses to come.  I mean really, I saw on the news last week that the latest this man remembered tapping maple trees for sap (to make syrup) was April 5 and this was the 10th already and he had just gotten another 300 gallons.  And now here it's the 18th and we're getting more snow.  But how often is our spiritual life like this?  How often are we just waiting and praying for this season to end?

Funnily, we talked a bit about this in BSF this morning.  We're doing the study of Genesis and right now talking about Joseph.  Joseph had a dream that he was going to lead his brothers, a position typically held by the eldest boy.  His brothers were jealous and they sold him to slave traders when he was 17.  Joseph then became a slave in Potiphar's household.  Potiphar could see God's favor in Joseph's life and Joseph eventually became a personal aide and he oversaw Potiphar's entire household.  Potiphar was a leader in Egyptian society, he was likely in charge of Pharaoh's safety, his bodyguard.  Joseph was learning about Egyptian culture, their leadership, and establishing his reputation.  Eventually Potiphar's wife noticed and made advances, which Joseph firmly refused.  She got upset and made up a story that Joseph tried to force himself on her so he was thrown into jail.  Joseph found favor with the prison guard and was promoted through the prison ranks to eventually be in charge of the other prisoners in this prison reserved for offenders of the king's court.

Keeping in mind that Joseph had a dream where he believed his brothers would be bowing to him, imagine how he felt being sold into a foreign land and then thrown in prison for no good reason.  In hindsight we can see that he was being prepared for the day when he would be reinstated to Pharaoh's house and become an overseer of food during a long famine that would've otherwise obliterated the Egyptian and Hebrew people.  We can see that during that time Joseph was learning about the culture and customs of the Egyptians, and gaining trust as a reputable and honorable man.  During that time do you think Joseph thought daily that this trial was to prepare him for the future?  Do you think God revealed that this season would end at an appointed time?  I don't think so.  God was clearly with Joseph and I have no doubt that His strength encouraged Joseph and he certainly had God's favor in his life.  But really.  Don't you think Joseph at least sometimes hoped and prayed against all odds that this season would finally come to an end?

How often do we say, "Okay Lord, I get it.  I learned my lesson, can we wrap this up now?"  We're ready for this season to be over.  I'm sure Joseph thought his season was over when he rose in power at Potiphar's house, only to be thrown into prison and humbled again.  But God was preparing Joseph for a time where he'd not only have his brothers serving him, but he'd preserve God's people during the famine.  During the lecture this morning the teaching leader said, "Don't waste your suffering".  Don't waste that time just wishing for it to end or becoming bitter.  Use that time to grow, to learn, and to allow yourself to be used.  While Joseph was in prison he helped his fellow prisoners, he was compassionate and served God through it all.  He didn't waste his suffering and he lived in the season he was in, even if he felt like a changing of seasons was long overdue.

Sunset on the lake

Have you ever learned something unexpectedly from a season you wished would end?  What got you through it?

The "Good Enough" Parent

Photo by Amanda Ingle Photography

If you're a parent I'm sure you're aware of the ebbs and flows that come with parenting.  We always want to be great parents though, right?  The best cook, the most attentive with our children, the most accepting or encouraging, the most involved...  It's exhausting sometimes, isn't it?  And I have been doing a darn good job of it all lately.  I've been getting up, getting dressed, making my bed, and being truly productive around my house.  My dishes are done, meals planned, and the laundry room is more empty than it has been in years.  I even played cards with the kids this afternoon.  But man, I'm beat.  And if I'm "about" anything, I'm about being real.

I'm really tired of this world in which we all live our separate lives and lie to each other that it's perfect.  It's not perfect.  I'm exhausted.  I've snapped a few times this week.  I've actively avoided my kids because just one more whine or tattle is going to push me over the edge.  I'm tired, and I am alone, but it's not forever.  Handsome will be home in a few days, my chicken pox isolation will end, but for now it's just plain hard.

So you know what?  Being a "good enough" mom is good enough for me.  My floor was swept at some point today.  My kids are eating lunch at 3pm and we've had more grains this week than we've had in the past 6 months, but they're fed.  I forgot a load of laundry in the wash but I'm rewashing now so I can wash diapers.  I haven't swished and swiped all week.  I left dishes drying in the drainer overnight but they were clean.  The dishwasher was loaded, and my Monkey got on the bus this morning with most of his homework done from the week he missed due to the pox.

All in all, it's good enough.  And some weeks good enough is good enough.  Next week we'll try for extraordinary again.