Crying Babies

I prefaced this blog with the fact that I'm an opinionated parent. Here you get to see the first of it. :)

I gave someone a link to this article on letting your baby cry. I was then told that letting them cry is going to teach them to feel "independent and safe in their cribs". (Nevermind the fact that my kids have never spent the night in a crib.) I just don't understand this logic. Infants do not develop object permanence until they are nearly a year old, so if my newborn cannot see me she doesn't know I still exist. Let's say I lay her down and walk away. She starts feeling kind of lonely, after all she has been with me for the last 9 months, all of her life, and she starts to cry. I leave her there to cry because she just ate and has a clean diaper and clearly doesn't "need" me. Does this teach her that the world is a safe place? Does it reinforce that I am here for her and my heart's desire is to meet her needs? Is she going to feel safe and independent or vulnerable and insecure?

By responding to my child's cries I believe it reinforces that I am here for them, and they can begin to build upon the knowledge that I will meet their needs. Not all needs are physical, many for small children are not - many are psychological. They need to *feel* safe, close, and loved and my words won't do anything to convey that, but my actions will. Studies have shown that babies who are held while they cry have lower cortisol levels than babies who are alone. Remember those commercials about why we're all fat - because our cortisol levels are too high? And if you take this pill it will lower your cortisol and make you able to lose weight. How much do we expect our infants to respond to increased cortisol levels? Can it really be a good thing?

Am I saying this friend is a bad parent and abusive to their child? By all means, no. She is doing what she thinks is best for her family, like we all do. I just believe wholeheartedly that she is wrong.